I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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