I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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