remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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