i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
