My nipple is on Facebook.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
