yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
