we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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