my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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