It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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