I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
NoShamevember. You game?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
