My friends, they love my intelligence
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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