You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
