I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
