What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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