So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
