The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
