forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
