did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
