I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
