just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize