Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize