they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
