the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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