this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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