She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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