I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
