tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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