I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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