so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
