it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize