Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
