my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
