Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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