I wish I could teleport
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She bit a glass in half.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
