o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
