True but thats because hes a fetus.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
