wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
