Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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