Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
