none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
