I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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