Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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