I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We left an ass print on the piano.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
