just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize