I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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