i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was confusing and full of hummus
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
