im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
