i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
