I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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