Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
