i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
