Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
