I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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