I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
