Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
