haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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