dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
