Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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