he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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