I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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