I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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