I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
