This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize