I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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