I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
