it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
