help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
