you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
