I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
