proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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