you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
