Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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