my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
