The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
