I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
