barbara walters just said penis...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
