I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i need to put some appletini on your dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
