im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
