A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
