My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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