I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
