He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
