I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
