Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
