I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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