bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's never too late to be topless.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize