i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
