fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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