well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
