I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
