Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
