at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
