and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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