somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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